Friday, November 16, 2007

Flying Carpets, Flying Monkeys

Today's AP is reporting that a 19 year-old woman in Saudi Arabia who was gang raped has been sentenced to prison and 200 lashes for having been in a car with a male non-relative. WHAT????!!!!! Oh yes. They increased her sentence because she took her case to the media for attention.

The rapists were also sentenced to terms varying from 2 to 10 years. The judges have the discretion to hand down no punishment to death in rape cases. Sure, sounds reasonable. I'm starting the think that sentencing guidelines aren't so bad given this degree of discretion.

Boy, ya gotta love that peaceful religion that gives us Sharia Law. Heck, let's bring that on over to the States. "I Divorce You. I Divorce You. I Divorce You." That's all it takes and you're done. I reckon if you say it with candles and turn around three times in front of a mirror, a genie will appear too.

Oh but that's not all. The judges have stripped her lawyer of his license for trying to defend her. He is up for a judiciary review. I can only imagine what will happen to him . . .

And to think we are amused by Disney's Aladdin. As a rat-owner, I'm offended that they even refer to him as a "street rat." That's offensive to rats everywhere. But the Sultan seems about right: mindless, clueless, and hypnotized by his own stupid rules. And what kind of idiot keeps a pet tiger? Look at those two guys in Vegas. Didn't work out too well for them. Ok, I know it's just a movie, but still.

Sadly, that very mentality is alive and well in our own nation. We have democratic candidates who want to take "excess profits" (whatever those are) from companies and give them to the poor. So much for the main tenet of capitalism: YOU CANNOT HAVE EXCESS PROFIT. The concept is an oxymoron. It's also alive within our beloved homeowners associations.

Yesterday, a letter was received that detailed countless guidelines by which the architectural review committee would carry out their maniacal duties. No more than five trees per lot (you'd think Algore would take issue with that). Ten if you live on a corner (oh bless you great HOA monarch people). Only these specific, bland colors (the lightest two shades available). And only these six colors for your driveway. Plants must be green (even if they are normally yellow, purple, brown, tan, variegated, etc.). Landscape borders must be earth tone - I guess because they're near the earth. Sadly, the only thing down to earth with these clowns are the landscape borders.

Here we have a Board of roughly ten members handing down edicts like little neighborhood emperors and Saudi judges. In the absence of reading the actual rules and the legislation behind them, we'll just make stuff up. If you want to hang a flag no greater than 4.5' x 6' the ARC must still approve it. In a neighborhood of 1100 homes, none of which worth more than $250K on a good day, who gives a crap if you have a garden flag to celebrate the season? While mailbox posts may be replaced with ones of similar size and shape to the original, committee approval must be obtained first. I wonder what happens when a post is struck by a car and needs to be replaced, but it takes a month to get the post approved? Presumably one of the illustrious Board members will wait outside your home each day to retrieve the mail from the carrier and deliver it to your color-approved door, across your color-approved driveway, past your color-approved plantings and five trees, and place it in an approved cardboard box under your pre-approved flag made of pre-approved Egyptian cotton flown from a synthetic pole made by Orthodox Jews who ate only kosher pork for lunch. (For those not in the know, pork cannot be made kosher - unless the Board approves it, apparently.)

So as I look at these Saudi judges and mini-monarchs that are the so-called Board, I return to one of my long-standing conclusions. You've never seen a statue of a committee in a park. And you certainly won't see one where I live if it wasn't pre-approved. By the way, did you know that a group of vultures is called a "committee." Go figure. Seriously, there is a better chance of monkeys flying out of my rear than there is of this committee being found worthy of the respect of the community over which they reign.

No comments: