Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Enviretards, UNITE!!!

You morons. If your heads weren't so far up a seagull's rear, you'd have seen the downstream impact of your whining about oil drilling in the Gulf.

Today's AP is reporting that since 1985, a nitrogen fertilizer-borne dead zone has grown in the Gulf to 7,900 square miles of oxygen-depleted ocean wherein nothing can survive. Brilliant, you donkeys!! So, we save half a penny per gallon by buying gas that contains ethanol, the corn byproduct, but in the meantime, corn has doubled in price since 2002 to $4/bushel. Gee, what else contains corn products? Hmmm. Cows and their products (dairy, beef), anything containing corn syrup, cooking oils, anything else that eats corn before we eat it (like chickens), corn itself. So that means that itty bitty savings we got at the gas tank was pissed into the wind when we drove to the grocery store and discovered that Gulf Grouper, Snapper, Mahi, crabs, and everything listed above are suddenly four times as expensive.

I haven't heard of any oil spills spanning 7,900 square miles and growing for 22 years. Yet the EPA has estimated that some 210 million pounds of fertilizer enter the Gulf every year. If sea levels are rising, maybe it's because of all the solids being dumped into them and not due to some iceberg melting due to cow flatulence.

If the enviretards would learn to leave well enough alone, the world would be just fine. Instead, they take action based on what could happen rather than on what will happen - and then try to shift blame elsewhere when their little scheme backfires. Perhaps the Sierra Club and their ilk would like to subsidize my grocery bill since it has gone through the roof. Perhaps they'd like to subsidize the people whose industries are debilitated as a result of their so-called protective measures, which are neither measured nor protective.

This enviretard global warming myth is truly a religion. If religion was Marx's opiate of the masses, then global warming is the heroin of the tree huggers. Excuse me, could I have a cup of your Kool Aid? You simply cannot look at a ten year or even a fifty year temperature record and claim that it is anything other than an anomaly; there is insufficient empirical evidence on which to base the data to conclude anything else. Yes, there are temperature records for maybe 120 years. There are geologic records from which we can extrapolate certain datum. And there are ice core samples which help paint a clearer picture of ages past. However, to conclude that anything that's happening today is a man made event is nothing more than an urban legend with legs enough to become a religion needing a savior. Enter Algore and his fleet of chartered jets. No carbon footprint there because he is out for the greater good. Yeah, thanks for that, Stalin. What DO we know is a man made event? Upwards of 8,000 square miles of dead water - top to bottom. At least oil just floats on top - it's not like sea gulls are big in the food chain. I have yet to see them at Publix, Kroger, or Wok-n-Stop Take-out.

At some point, the majority needs to get its collective head out of the sand and call these people out for the frauds that they are. You've been duped. Food prices shouldn't be as high as they are, gas prices shouldn't be as high as they are, and farming shouldn't be killing off massive portions of the Gulf. But until enough of us say: "ENOUGH" - they will keep shoving the dry cracker of enviretardism down our throats. Not choking yet? Just wait till next year and you've remained silent.

People: Parasites or Virus? Coming up next . . .

Today's question is whether humans are parasites - feeding off their host(s) until the host dies, or are they viruses - simply replicating and mutating at such an alarming rate that what they infect cannot develop a defense mechanism?

As I await the virus scan, phishing filter, and ad filters to do their work before I could read my Email, I happened to think it's because of other humans that we are so horribly inconvenienced. For every convenience we create, other humans are there to find some way to jack it all up. The horseless carriage! Clever. Put the horse to pasture and fire up the internal combustion engine. Too bad too many idiots behind the wheel necessitated the advent of traffic laws, traffic lights, traffic cops, and the ability to propel oneself from point A to point B without the judiciousness of a horse to determine the appropriate speed. In this sense, the horse was smarter than the rider - how many horse wrecks did GEICO have to insure?

Cell phones! What a great gadget. Cell phones that Email, take photos, access the web, play music, and even siphon your ear wax are all the rage. Yet too bad they cannot discern when their operator is too distracted with other things like, oh, I don't know, DRIVING, to play with their handy gadget. Just Sunday, I witnessed a woman driving on the interstate with one hand holding the phone to her ear and the other holding a burning tobacco stick with a single finger on the wheel, traveling at 70 mph. A few moments earlier, no doubt there was a mascara applicator in her cigarette hand.

This morning, while stopped behind a school bus with all it's signs and red lights aglow, some bearded throwback to ZZ Top pulled out, from a side street, behind the bus which was still loading, then called me an a$$hole because I blew the horn at him. Good thing he didn't get out of his POS Isuzu pick-up truck or my foot might have errantly slipped from the brake pedal to the accelerator in mortal fear. Oopsie.

Email! Destined to put the postal services of the world out of business, one first class stamp at a time. Not so much. I cannot get Emails to people who actually want them because they are filtered out by SPAM filters. I cannot receive the Emails I need because I lose them amongst the other crap the SPAM filters missed. I have to wait ten minutes for the home PC to boot up just so it can load its garrison of safe guards because some fat tater tot in his mom's basement with posters of calendar girls on the walls is sitting there with his T3 line trying to hack other people's business.

Schools! Stellar idea. Until people show up at bus stops and shoot two teenagers. Yesterday. Gibsonton, FL. Watching the eleven o'clock news, I wasn't sure that the bus stop or the subdivision involved was even in the US. It appeared to be some third world country. One asstard that was interviewed could not show his face from under his hoodie, but his name was plastered all over the screen. Guess he's just known by his gangsta name, Masta Monkey Smuggla = or M-n-Ms for short. As such, he is now in the gangsta protection program. The talk show pundits today are speculating that we will need armed officers on every school bus now; this in addition to school resource officers, truant officers, probation officers, etc. Your tax dollars at work - all because Tyrell had his baggies in a twist over some peep dissin' his udder peep.

And can we forget my own first hand experience between two elementary boys and a girl at their bus stop adjacent to my lawn? The two boys, not more than nine years old, arguing over a girl. "Ju stay away from ma girl, cracka." "Shut up, nigga." Back and forth. I sat on my motorcycle looking like Eddie Murphy watching a tennis match - moving my head back and forth all bug-eyed in disbelief. I was waiting for a fight that I would not interrupt other than to call the popo and let them sort it out. I can only imagine the liability if one of them got hurt as I separated them. To hell with that. They can kill each other first. Then the girl, looking at me like I had three heads, says "I'm trying to figure out what that is." "What what is?" I asked out of morbid curiosity. "What you're sittin' on." "This? It's a motorcycle. You don't get out much, do ya?"

So here we are, four prime examples of the new upcoming documentary "Idiots in the Mist." Discovering how evolving from ape to human was a good thing . . . or not so much.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


I have a question: why is it that I can no longer say "Merry Christmas" without fear of offending someone, yet I have to warmly embrace "Happy Holidays" and "Happy Hanukkah" and "Allah Akbar Ramadanadingdong" with the gusto of a Ron Mexico pit bull?

Honestly, this whole tolerance thing has gone way too far. Merchants don't mind milking the "Xmas Cow" for every penny they can eke out. Black Friday is actually part of today's financial nomenclature as much as market correction, recession, and trickle down economics. Thanksgiving is warmly welcomed as "Turkey Day" even though there is little evidence that the so-called pilgrims ate turkey and dressing. The President is obliged to pardon a turkey despite that fact that the turkey, unlike Sandy Berger, is not a criminal, has not had a trial (much less an arraignment hearing), and lacks a conviction. All this ballyhoo to welcome in the "holidays" - whatever they may or may not include.

Funny thing. Cinco de Mayo is ok. Boxing Day? OK. Chinese New Year. OK. Easter (the pagan holiday, as compared to resurrection day, the Christian one). OK. After all, who doesn't like bunny rabbits and candy? Hell, let's entertain the clan's old women by having the lil chilrens find colored plastic eggs in the backyard, strategically placed in plain view and at roughly three feet high so that the kids can find them and the old women don't have bladder leakage.

But heaven (I think that's still ok as long as it isn't capitalized) forbid, you should say Merry Christmas. SET THE HOUSE ON FIRE, IT'S EASIER TO DEAL WITH. Some fraction of a percent of a disenfranchised minority may be offended. The PC popo have robbed every bit of fun from a once joyous holiday. 2000 years ago, men traveled for months on end chasing a star in the heavens to celebrate the first Christmas. No, they weren't there at the delivery . . . all those nativity scenes are woefully inaccurate. I also doubt that it was a "silent night" insofar as Jesus was every bit human and probably wasn't too pleased with light and air and animal stink and that water-head drummer boy banging on his tin pot. I suspect He cried when He was hungry and when He pooped himself - just like any other human baby. And like any other human mother, I suspect that Mary was exhausted from the word "go." Meanwhile, Joseph was out in the field draggin' on the Bethlehem peace pipe celebrating the first "Merry Christmas."

Jesus came into the world with a mission. Unlike the rest of us who likely spend the better part of our existence trying to figure out our purpose, He was born with one objective in mind: to sacrifice Himself as the ultimate and final atonement for my chronic state of sin - and yours too. No longer would an innocent animal's blood have to be shed by a priest. Christ became the sacrifice. His death served as the propitiation for my sins, once and for all. Propitiation - look it up.

To that end, I defy you to forbid me this one most joyous greeting. MERRY CHRISTMAS. No other holiday, no other celebration (save for Resurrection Day) has such eternal significance. The day will come that every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Alert the PC popo and the ACLU now - they'll need some time to refine their lamentations for that inevitability.

Meanwhile, Merry Christmas!!