Tuesday, December 11, 2007


I have a question: why is it that I can no longer say "Merry Christmas" without fear of offending someone, yet I have to warmly embrace "Happy Holidays" and "Happy Hanukkah" and "Allah Akbar Ramadanadingdong" with the gusto of a Ron Mexico pit bull?

Honestly, this whole tolerance thing has gone way too far. Merchants don't mind milking the "Xmas Cow" for every penny they can eke out. Black Friday is actually part of today's financial nomenclature as much as market correction, recession, and trickle down economics. Thanksgiving is warmly welcomed as "Turkey Day" even though there is little evidence that the so-called pilgrims ate turkey and dressing. The President is obliged to pardon a turkey despite that fact that the turkey, unlike Sandy Berger, is not a criminal, has not had a trial (much less an arraignment hearing), and lacks a conviction. All this ballyhoo to welcome in the "holidays" - whatever they may or may not include.

Funny thing. Cinco de Mayo is ok. Boxing Day? OK. Chinese New Year. OK. Easter (the pagan holiday, as compared to resurrection day, the Christian one). OK. After all, who doesn't like bunny rabbits and candy? Hell, let's entertain the clan's old women by having the lil chilrens find colored plastic eggs in the backyard, strategically placed in plain view and at roughly three feet high so that the kids can find them and the old women don't have bladder leakage.

But heaven (I think that's still ok as long as it isn't capitalized) forbid, you should say Merry Christmas. SET THE HOUSE ON FIRE, IT'S EASIER TO DEAL WITH. Some fraction of a percent of a disenfranchised minority may be offended. The PC popo have robbed every bit of fun from a once joyous holiday. 2000 years ago, men traveled for months on end chasing a star in the heavens to celebrate the first Christmas. No, they weren't there at the delivery . . . all those nativity scenes are woefully inaccurate. I also doubt that it was a "silent night" insofar as Jesus was every bit human and probably wasn't too pleased with light and air and animal stink and that water-head drummer boy banging on his tin pot. I suspect He cried when He was hungry and when He pooped himself - just like any other human baby. And like any other human mother, I suspect that Mary was exhausted from the word "go." Meanwhile, Joseph was out in the field draggin' on the Bethlehem peace pipe celebrating the first "Merry Christmas."

Jesus came into the world with a mission. Unlike the rest of us who likely spend the better part of our existence trying to figure out our purpose, He was born with one objective in mind: to sacrifice Himself as the ultimate and final atonement for my chronic state of sin - and yours too. No longer would an innocent animal's blood have to be shed by a priest. Christ became the sacrifice. His death served as the propitiation for my sins, once and for all. Propitiation - look it up.

To that end, I defy you to forbid me this one most joyous greeting. MERRY CHRISTMAS. No other holiday, no other celebration (save for Resurrection Day) has such eternal significance. The day will come that every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Alert the PC popo and the ACLU now - they'll need some time to refine their lamentations for that inevitability.

Meanwhile, Merry Christmas!!

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