Tuesday, October 9, 2007

The Empire Strikes Back . . . Again!

WAIT!! STOP THE PRESSES!! Darn it, where is Algore when I need him. Where is Rosie? OK, well the answer to that is obvious, but where is Algore???

Scientists have discovered that, GASP, sunlight is melting ice on Saturn's moon, Iapetus. This is why, so the theory goes, the moon appears to be starkly black and white. The white parts are ice and the black parts are not. When it gets warm there, -230 degrees F, water vapor is released from the black dust and settles elsewhere and freezes into ice.

What will we do? What WILL WE DO???? Surely someone must sound the alarm. If the ice melts, a rock on Iapedus might get covered with water. Oh but wait, in this case, the water just moves to where it's colder than -230 and re-freezes.

All this warming and cooling talk brings me down to earth . . . a place I like to call my home away from home. So, if sunlight can cause it to be warm enough for water vapor to be released into the atmosphere in some places on Iapedus, is it so unusual that it's also happening here? There is more than ample data to suggest that on a macro level, the Earth's temperature is not changing dramatically one way or the other. The urban heat island effect has been validated and actually stands to reason. However, warming and cooling are pretty standard fare for a planet in this solar system. While we know that greenhouse gases might create an atmospheric blanket that retains heat, that same blanket may insulate the Earth from increased heating from the sun due to increased solar activity; it may also prevent additional cancer-causing UV radiation from reaching the surface of the Earth thereby preventing a pandemic of skin cancers.

But the media and the global warming priests and priestesses don't want you hear of those realities. And they certainly don't want you to know that it's also getting warmer on Mars. So either the Chinese have kicked arse in the space race and have colonized Mars with their carbon-emitting industrial engine, or, hmmmm, the FREAKIN SUN GOT HOTTER.

It is after all a big ball of flaming gas; who would think that it might not heat up from time to time? We know that it sends solar flares into space that disrupt radio signals and satellite communication. So, do the math . . .

Let's think about something else the scientists purport as fact: they say that the dinosaurs died out as a result of the last ice age that was precipitated by an asteroid colliding with our planet and blanketing it with a thick cloud of dust. Where was Algore then???? He could've fixed that problem just by inventing something, right? So, if dust can reduce the planet to a big ice cube, wouldn't it stand to reason that a thinner layer of carbon particles in the upper atmosphere would have a similar effect in terms of reflecting heat and light? Hmmmm.

So here's my dilemma: is "Catastrophic Impending Global Climate Change" science or religion? The path of a hurricane cannot be predicted with absolute accuracy. Next weekend's weather forecast is "iffy" at best. Yet somehow we blindly trust that it will be half a degree warmer in 2107 and the coastlines will forever be changed? Hurricanes change coastlines. Earthquakes change coastlines. Volcanic eruptions change coastlines. Yet we don't try to control them . . . yet. Although, we will jet around in private aircraft to preach our message of doom and expect everyone else to walk to work. "Do as I say, not as I do" is the mantra of fascists, dictators, and religious zealots. It is the religion of Self. I posit that Global Climate Change is the newest rendition of that religion merely creating another pseudo-crisis from which we will need a savior that takes the form of a political party. And anyone who expresses a view counter to theirs will receive the mark and be given to the religion's antagonist. In Christianity, this is Satan. In Islam, it's the rest of us. To the screeching pastors and purveyors of Global Warming, it's conservatism.

Well, Praise Allah and Pass the Pork. I think I'll drive my diesel powered filth spewing eight passenger SUV home today all by myself and smoke a fine cigar with the windows open while I do it. Damn the torpedoes!!

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